Funny Money

FUNNY MONEY

Laughter is the best medicine… Obviously that statement was originated before the invention of Percocet, but having said that, laughter truly is a powerful elixir. It is the most powerful reaction a human can generate.  Laughter is more powerful than anger, sadness, fear, melancholy, or any myriad of emotions that we humans struggle with in our daily lives. Laughter boosts immunity, lowers stress, decreases pain, relaxes muscles and has been known to prevent heart disease.

            We are all familiar with the physiological benefits of laughter, but what is not ubiquitously recorded in the annals of knowledge is that laughter closes sales, attracts clients, and strengthens relationships. “you don’t need more business, you need more friends”, “People want to do business with their friends” If you have ever read any of Jeffrey Gitomer’s books, you have heard that.

Contrary to popular belief people are not born funny. I believe that funny people simply choose to find the humor in every day situations. Becoming funny is a process. Here are three ways to start.

1.BE INCLUSIVE. The reason humor is so powerful is that it touches one of our most basic human needs, the need for belonging.  When you are included in a joke or a funny story, it is as if the teller has embraced you and welcomed you into their world. It is a good feeling and a potent connection between people. The goal with humor should not be the laughter but the connection, so don’t use profanity or tell racist jokes, sexist jokes, fat, short, gay, ethnic, or religious jokes. You are taking a huge risk. Even if you get a laugh, you have just proven out loud that you are a risk to do business with, have poor judgment, and are probably a monumental jackass.

2.  BE ORIGINAL.  If you read it on the internet…so have they. The best-case scenario is they let you finish the joke and act as if it is the first time they heard it. The worst-case scenario is they blurt out the punch line in front of the group leaving you standing there like a foreign exchange student on the first day of class. All smile…nothing to say. Tell about funny things that happen to you in traffic, at the store, tell about your family vacations, mother-in-law, etc. These situations are relatable and original.

3. WRITE IT DOWN.  Planned spontaneity…this is the phrase of the day class. If something funny happens, write it down. If you hear a funny phrase or see a funny gesture, record it and review it. If something funny happens to you on the way to the forum (gratuitous Broadway reference), then write it down in story form and save it. You will find a time to re-tell it and you will come across as witty, spontaneous, and funny.

Becoming funny is a process. It does not happen overnight nor does it happen because you have memorized a few jokes. Humor is a natural byproduct of a positive attitude. If you choose to find the positive in your circumstances, then it is easier to find the humor. When you find humor where others can’t, you are funny. When you are funny and share your humor in a positive way, you make friends. And when you easily make friends, you will close sales, attract clients, and strengthen relationships with your customers, clients, and co-workers.

Want more funny? Watch Patrick here:www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FGcVHsvqGY

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and professional speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.PatrickHenrySpeaker.com

ARE YOU TWEET WORTHY?

Sitting in the office of the A&R director of Curb Records many years ago, I thought "this is it". This was the magic moment I had been waiting for. The tipping point that I had worked for since I first picked up a guitar, strung three chords together, and sang my own homegrown lyrics. With eyes closed, I played what was sure to be Tim McGraw's next chart topper. I hit every note, added the appropriate amount of emotion and Pathos, mixed texture with melody and envisioned the excitement building two feet away in the expensive smelling leather chair. I opened my eyes expecting to see a face full of jubilation and exuberance, but was instead confronted with crossed arms and an expression devoid of emotion. I was stunned. How could this person not see the songwriting brilliance that my mother and her bible study were so quick to acknowledge? I was instead told something that changed my thinking for life. "Patrick, your song is good. However, hundreds of good songs come through my door every week. A hit song has a quality that will make the listener get up off his butt, drive to the record store and pay fifteen dollars just so he can hear it again. Your song doesn't have that" 

Even though the relevance of mainstream record stores has disappeared, the relevance of that statement has not. I call it being tweet-worthy. My concept of tweet-worthiness developed not long ago after a speech in Charlotte, North Carolina. I was speaking on the topic of customer loyalty and had just tried out a new bit of material that I had written specifically for this audience. It was a five-minute poem that illustrated the creation of a peak customer experience. I was a little nervous because I was out of my comfort zone, but after much rehearsal and memorization, it came off better than expected. After my speech, a woman excitedly approached me asking "what is your twitter address?" "Why?" I asked? She told me that she enjoyed the poem so much that she was tweeting during my speech and wanted to let people know how to reach me...WOW! an AHA moment if there ever was one.

I now create presentations with tweet-worthy moments in mind. As I am preparing a talk, I visualize impact moments throughout the speech that will make audience members reach for their smart phones and tweet to their followers about what they just heard. Are you tweet-worthy? Are you engaging your customers, clients, and co-workers in a way that will make them stop what they are doing, pick up their smart phones, and share with the world how wonderful you are? Who will testify on your behalf?...Your customers will.  Jeffrey Gitomer says "when you say it about yourself it's bragging. When someone else says it, it's proof".

Three ways to create tweet-worthy moments:

1. DO THE UNEXPECTED. Observe what the competition is doing and do something different. Delivering gourmet cupcakes to the office staff is nice, but hardly original (unless you have their names written on them in frosting) 

2. PROVIDE VALUE. Do you spend every moment in front of the decision maker detailing your product? Look for opportunities to help their business succeed by sending articles, blogs, and resource links that help them achieve their goals. When you become a person of value to the customer, you create a buying atmosphere.

3. BE SINCERE. If you become known as slick...you are finished. If you treat your customers the way you treat your friends, you will soon be tweeted to prosperity. Just don't get your tweet caught in your twitter.

Death of a Lawnman

My lawn man died.  It took me by surprise when my mother-in-law showed me the obituary a few months ago, but there it was in black and white… Dennis was gone. Dennis was a real nice man and although I didn’t know him very well, we did have a couple of meaningful conversations leaning against the fence that separates my property from Mrs. Smith’s.

I grew up cutting grass. As a boy in Auburn, Alabama, I mowed almost every yard in my neighborhood, and as I painstakingly manicured the lawns of the Bent Creek subdivision, I used to fantasize about one day having a lawn man to do it for me.  I did – and now he was gone.  I will miss him, but now I faced a dilemma. Dennis charged the same rate for twenty-five years. Even when gas spiked at over three dollars a gallon, Dennis held firm. His rate was far below what the big landscaping companies in our area charge -- and there was no way I was going to pay that -- so I decided to man up and get back into the business of mowing lawns.  My lawn.

After a testosterone-filled trip to Lowe’s Home Improvement Store (full of grunting, pointing, and kicking the tires of the zero-turn-radius lawn mowers), I arrived home with a new mower (not a zero turn radius), a weed eater, and a high-powered blower. I was locked, cocked, and ready to rock.

For three months now I have been mowing my own lawn and have discovered a few truths that I feel are worth sharing. First of all, I love mowing my yard. I feel a sense of pride and satisfaction when I am finished that I never did as a kid. This came as quite a surprise to me, because for years the smell of fresh cut grass reminded me of hours of hard labor in the unforgiving Alabama sun. Secondly, I discovered that I do a better job than Dennis did. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not disparaging Dennis in any way, but I wasn’t paying him enough to pick up sticks, trim shrubs, and edge the driveway.  He came once a week, mowed and left. Finally, I now know every inch of my property. This sounds a bit silly, especially since I have lived in my house for four years, but when you are responsible for managing your own yard, you become familiar with every nook, cranny, root, rut, and problem area.

So why now? Why do I now feel differently about doing something I despised as a kid? One word:  OWNERSHIP. I own my property, therefore I take pride in its appearance. I own my property, therefore I take responsibility for its functionality and purpose. If I don’t manage a routine maintenance schedule, the blame for the appearance of my yard lays with me.  Why? Because I own it.

 Why would it be any different in your business? The most successful salespeople are the ones who take ownership.  You may not sign your own paycheck, but when you take ownership of your customers, clients, product lines, and territories, you begin to control your outcome.

Here are three ways to OWN THE SALE:

GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY. I once spoke for a restaurant chain that required all of the management trainees sweep the parking lot for a week. I was told that at the end of the week the trainees will be able to fully understand and appreciate the job they are asking a restaurant employee to do -- as well as know EXACTLY how long it should take to complete the task.

INTIMATELY KNOW YOUR YARD (PRODUCT).  My friend Jimmy Prophet sells industrial batteries. He not only knows his product, he knows so much about the equipment that utilizes his product that company engineers call him in to solve problems they can’t. Do you think his competition can intimidate him by undercutting his price? NO WAY. He is a valuable resource.

MAINTAIN YOUR MOWER.   It is amazing how much easier it is to cut my grass when I have the blade sharpened regularly. Is your company too cheap to buy you a new laptop? Buy your own. Boss too stingy to reimburse for client meals? If it closes the deal, pay for it yourself. You are the owner.  It’s time to stop complaining and cut the grass. 

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and professional speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.PatrickHenrySpeaker.com

My first real hatemail.....YES !!!!

I’ve heard it said that you’re not a real writer until you receive your first hate mail. I guess I am now officially a real writer.

I wrote an article a few weeks ago about a bad customer service experience that I had in a Hallmark store with my four-year-old son who was denied use of the restroom.  I relayed the incident as it happened, added the appropriate amount of drama and suspense, threw in a touch of pathos, and then ended with a moral. Are those not the mechanics of first rate article?... apparently not. I received an email from a guy whom I will call Richard. Richard was thoroughly offended that I had the audacity to name the store where the confrontation occurred. Furthermore, he wrote “people like you make me sick. What makes people with kids think the world is their restroom?” He went on to tell me that I only wrote that article because I was “scraping the bottom of the barrel for material for the ezine” . He continued to say that he had over “200 books on sales and he would never own one of mine.”  Wow…who knew an article on customer service could inspire so much ire. Now that his letter has marinated for a couple of weeks, I feel that I am doing Richard and my tens of loyal readers all over the country a huge disservice if I don’t respond.  Here goes….Richard, I take issue with you on three levels. First and foremost, I am insulted that you would criticize me with cliché. I have been criticized by the best. They used metaphor, originality, alliteration, and multi-syllable words that cut deep into my self-esteem and ego. I expect nothing less from you sir. Secondly, I am most insulted that you think I am short on material. As long as there are people like you in the world, my cup of material runneth over. Finally Richard, after reading that you have over 200 books on sales, I shared your letter with many of my friends and colleagues who are also in sales and we initially had the same reaction, WOW… 200 books….you must really suck !!! I then decided that I was being unfair. No one should be criticized for growing their resource library. My criticism lay with the fact that you just don’t get it. Effective selling is predicated on a simple premise. We read about it in Jeffrey Gitomer’s books and it is surely written in the pages of the 200 books adorning your shelves. “People want to do business with people they like and trust”. Does a business owner have the right to enforce policy? Of course. Are policies important? Yes. Good policy guides actions as well as reduces liability (as I was politely educated by another reader responding to the article). Sometimes a choice must be made. Do I enforce policy, or make a sale? There is not a right or wrong answer here, only cause and effect. Richard, sales are not made on our terms, they are made on the customers. Remember what Jeffrey Gitomer says “people don’t like to be sold, but they love to buy”. When you try to force someone to act according to your terms you are either in the Army, or at home alone reading sales books.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker who teaches clients how to create distinction in the marketplace and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. To book Patrick Henry for your next event, visit www.patrickhenryspeaker.com

No "P" in Customer Service

I used the “S” word in front of my children today.  Yes… the “S” word. The expletive of all expletives, and I said it in front of my babies.  I actually hadn’t even noticed that the word had passed my lips until my four year old admonished me in the car on the way home from the movie theatre. I admit it, I said it…. but that woman really was STUPID !!.

I had just taken my two boys to see The Tooth Fairy with Duane “The Rock” Johnson, and we stopped off at a Hallmark Store to buy a card for a friend who has just had a huge event happen in his life. I am typically not a card buyer, but this was a special occasion so I didn’t just want to pick one up from the grocery store, I wanted to go out of my way to buy from a specialist.

We walked into the Hallmark store and were directed to the Congratulations cards where I perused the various choices. My four year old began tugging on my coat and informed me that he had to use the bathroom…again. After being dragged out of the movie twice I was a little tired of his bathroom breaks so I told him to hold it. I chose a card and walked to the counter to pay. As I waited in line, I noticed that tears had formed in his eyes and realized that he really had to go so I asked the lady behind the counter where the restroom was.  She informed me that they didn’t have one.  You and I both know they have a restroom, so what she meant to say was they didn’t have one for customers. As my son began to cry, I looked at her with a “can you help me” look and she shrugged her shoulders with half hearted empathy and said, “It’s our policy”. I am not one to give customer service lessons at point of purchase, So I held my tongue (no small task) and left with my children.  It was on the way home that I was admonished for the “S” word.

We all have poor customer service stories that we enjoy telling when the conversation calls for it. The fact that I will never shop at the Hallmark Store in Alamance Crossings is no real “AHA” moment. As I contemplate my experience, I would have to say the lesson is this… Mess with me you lose my business. Mess with my kid you gain an enemy.  The sales woman at the Hallmark store in Alamance Crossing, Burlington, North Carolina :-) let policy override common sense and compassion. Had she chosen to ignore “policy” and helped my child and me she would have created a fan. Fans are loyal. Fans will go out of their way to spend money. Fans don’t shop alone.  She chose not to and as a result, not only destroyed a consumer relationship, she created an adversary who will take any and every opportunity to steer people away from her card store. He may even write an article about his experience that is distributed to hundreds of thousands of people.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and
 blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.patrickhenryspeaker.com

IT’S CALLED A SPEECH

I don’t much care for awards shows. Every now and then, however, I will see someone who impresses or even inspires me, like when Cuba Gooding Jr. won an Oscar for his role in Jerry Mcguire or when Roberto Benigni won an Oscar in 1998 for Life is Beautiful.  For the most part I see a room full of people who haven’t had a job in months who are just happy to be dressed up and out of the house.

My wife enjoys awards shows, so when the Screen Actors Guild Awards aired on January 23^rd…we watched it. I was actually quite impressed with Sandra Bullock and especially Betty White who hails back to an era where class and decorum were the order of the day. I was completely underwhelmed by Drew Barrymore. When the award for best actress in a television movie or miniseries was announced, Drew Barrymore’s name was called. She gave the customary “oh my God I can’t believe it’s me” look to her fellow aisle mates then made the triumphant march to the stage to accept her prize. This is where the wheels came off !!!!

I am a professional speaker. I believe that a person’s ability to effectively communicate thoughts, ideas, and gratitude is paramount in fomenting success regardless of profession. Apparently Drew Barrymore doesn’t think so. As she accepted her award, she began to stutter and stumble over her words in a cutesy and contrived display of ums & ands.  When the awkward moment began to turn uncomfortable, she said “usually improv is a good thing….it’s backfiring on me very badly right now”. I have news for you Drew, IT’S NOT IMPROV….IT’S A SPEECH !!!!.  Considering that you have been in the movie business since before ET phoned home, it is a speech that you should have been prepared for!!!!!!

In a matter of seconds she went, in my eyes, from brilliant to buffoon, from star to stammer, from “bless my stars” to “bless her heart”, all because she was painfully unprepared.

There are certain moments where the right words delivered with eloquence, passion and skill can create, what my friend Scott Mckain calls, a mountain top experience. In sales, these moments happen EVERYDAY. Are you prepared? Have you developed the skill and “material” to inspire people to action?

Three ways to prepare for your awards speech:

COLLECT MATERIAL.

Continually be on the lookout for real life experiences, stories, and anecdotes that can be recalled and delivered with dexterity at a moments notice.  Become an expert in your field and your client’s by reading books, articles and web copy about topics that relate to the field.  Keep a file.


LISTEN TO GREAT SPEAKERS

      Never miss an opportunity to listen to great speakers speak. Don’t steal their material, take note of their style and technique then create your own.
    
PRACTICE

      As good as you think you are, YOU’RE NOT!!!.  I don’t care how many successful wedding toasts you’ve given. Until you’ve delivered a thousand speeches or presentations, you still have room for improvement. Even then, you still can find ways to become better. JOIN TOASTMASTERS…NOW!

The Ballad of Rusty The Roofer

Sitting in the living room of “Yellow House”, watching water drip from four different leaks in the ceiling, I decided that it was time to fix the roof. Yellow House was a rental property in Nashville that I shared with my two beautiful female roommates years ago who, despite my best efforts, still thought of me as a buddy.

After receiving a number of estimates, a guy pulled up unannounced one afternoon in a white van and said “wud up?” Enter Rusty the Roofer. Rusty was a red faced, red headed, redneck who offered to repair my roof for half of what the other roofers would. In my naiveté’ I hired him on the spot. The events that transpired over the next week taught me two things, 1. In the words of Ronald Reagan “trust but verify”, and 2. Never do business with a guy in a white van.

On the first day, Rusty and his crew came out and took all of the shingles off of the house. I had to later apologize to my female neighbors for the cat-calls that were being lobbed from my roof like grapefruit. Taking shingles off of a roof does not require exorbitant amounts of brain matter.  Putting new shingles on, however, requires a bit more skill, but in order to apply that skill one must be present. When Rusty was ready to leave for the day at the crack of two, he told me that he would return the following morning at 9:00 am. I assured him I would be waiting. The next morning, nine o’clock came, nine o’clock went and I was left standing on my porch underneath my naked roof growing agitated. Rusty finally showed up at 10:30 and apologized for his tardiness. I told him that I was planning my workday around his start time so I insisted that he be on time. The following day at 9:00 am, I am standing on my porch waiting for Rusty to show up only to be stood up yet again. When he rolled into my driveway at eleven o’clock, I was hot. I said “Rusty, when you tell me that you are going to arrive at nine….I EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE !!!!! When you don’t arrive until eleven you screw up my whole day.” Rusty looked at me and said “Patrick you’re right. But I have a good excuse. Last night I was out at a bar and met a woman who is doctor from Vanderbilt Medical Center and we [Partied] all night long.” I looked at him with an incredulous look on my face and said “Rusty, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look like the type of guy who [parties] with doctors from Vanderbilt.” He chuckled and said “you’re right, but last night I had it going on, I was looking sharp…. I HAD ALL MY GOLD ON”

I guess I underestimated the seductive charms of a herring bone chain and a nugget pinky ring. I told him that doing business with him was becoming more trouble than it was worth and he looked me in the eye and said “Patrick, you have to admit that 90% of the time, I do exactly what I say I am going to do”.  There ends the ballad of Rusty the roofer.

Like with Rusty, customers judge a vendor or service provider by the 10% of the time their expectations are not met. Here are three ways to turn prospects into clients, clients into fans, and avoid becoming a “Rusty the Roofer”.

1.    1.     DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO.

Become known as a person of your word. This establishes trust.
Trust enables friendship.“People want to do business with their friends”  (Jeffrey Gitomer)

2.         2.  UNDERpromise and OVERdeliver.

           Too many times we are tempted to say anything to close the sale.
           When you close the 10% margin of error you become a resource
            who provides value. Value creates loyalty.

3.        3.   BE PROFESSIONAL.

           Professional standards of communication and dress have relaxed
           over the last decade. Become known for superseding the standard.