Dont Call Me a Comedian

What’s the difference between a comedian and a humorist? Most humorists, especially those who began their careers as comedians, would say that the difference is context…(and money). Comedians primarily perform in comedy clubs while humorists are often writers and speak and perform at conventions, association meetings, and corporate events.

A popular quip among my buddies in the National Speakers Association is “do you have to be funny to be a professional speaker?...only if you want to get paid”. My goal as a humorist is to, not only make people laugh, but to also deliver content, motivation, and expertise to my audiences in a funny way. For that reason, I was pleasantly surprised and a little taken off guard when SiriusXM Radio called and asked me to perform a one hour comedy show from the Blue Collar Theater in Nashville, Tennessee last month. In one phone call I became what I never aspired to be…a comedian. I don’t perform in comedy clubs so, in preparation for my show, I pored over my material and removed anything that resembled content. My wife and I, along with some friends from North Carolina, flew to Nashville for the recording. The Blue Collar Radio theater is tucked away in the Bridgestone Arena in downtown Nashville. The Southeastern Conference Championship basketball game was being held that weekend so we fought our way through Vanderbilt and University of Kentucky fans until a security guard saw us and escorted us inside. The studio audience, made up of invited guests and SiriusXM subscribers, was lined up waiting to go in. After a few brief hellos, I was escorted up the elevator to the “green room” in rock star fashion which is where I decided that I could get used to being a comedian. For about 20 minutes I chatted with the programmers for the SiriusXM comedy stations. One of them said “I love you Blue Collar Radio guys”. I asked why and he told me that he regularly visits comedy clubs across the country looking for talent to put on the radio for the uncensored comedy stations such as Raw Dog or the Foxxhole.  He said “ I will find someone who I think is great and ask them to send me their materials so I can put them on the radio…they rarely follow through.” He then went on to say “when I ask one of you Blue Collar guys to send me your materials, not only do I have a package the next day…there’s a box of cookies with it”.

As a professional speaker I have to sell myself on a regular basis to meeting planners. In order to do that, I must have video, a cd, marketing materials, and a website. When SiriusXM radio asked for my materials, I simply reached onto the shelf and put together a package (with cookies) and over-nighted it. Opportunities come to us every day. The people who take advantage of those opportunities are prepared to embrace them. Talent, skill, and a good product are prerequisites for success. The trigger that creates the emotional buy-in, however, is often in the packaging. Are you waiting to be discovered? or are you building a package that will enable you to embrace success?

Patrick Henry is a funny professional speaker, author and songwriter. He is the author of The Pancake Principle: Seventeen sticky ways to make your customers flip for you. Buy it at Amazon.com 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Pancake-Principle-Seventeen-Customers/dp/1457515792/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366036431&sr=8-1&keywords=the+pancake+principle

I'LL HAVE THE LOBSTER... WITH A SIDE OF COMMUNICATION

I recently coached a client in presentation skills and as a token of appreciation, he sent me a $150 gift card to Ruth’s Chris steak house.  My wife and I decided to use it to celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary. I have eaten at Ruth’s Chris before and fully intended on tearing through the gift card like Caesar through Gaul, but what happened next was a very expensive lesson in the power of communication. When we arrived at the restaurant, my wife and I requested a booth in the corner so we could be fully present with each other. We ordered wine and perused the menu. I wouldn’t call myself cheap, but I have yet to look at the prices on the menu at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and not wince ever-so-slightly. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the mood of the moment, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and order the whole Maine Lobster. I love lobster. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my father returning from business trips to New England with a crate of live Maine lobsters. I can remember being woken up at eleven o clock one night because my father’s plane had been delayed, but that wasn’t going to stop us from having a lobster feast. My mother started boiling a pot and we dined into the wee hours of the morning.  That’s where my love of lobster began and now I was continuing it at Ruth’s Chris steak house. The waiter described the specials, raved about the filet, and finally I asked “hows the Maine lobster?” His eyes lit up as if I’d asked about his children. He went into a description that had me giddy with excitement. “How much?” I asked. “$37.00?, bring me a Maine Lobster”. It was every bit as good as he described. The succulent morsels dissolved in my mouth, the butter dripped from my chin and my smoking hot wife stared lovingly at me from across the table. I was in heaven. We enjoyed the evening all the way through the after dinner B&B. When the check arrived, I pulled out my gift card to see if we had fufilled the limit…we had. Maybe it was intentional or maybe it was because english was our waiters second language, but apparently, when I asked how much the lobster was, he left off the words… PER POUND. I ended up paying $120.00 for a beady eyed shellfish! I was speechless. I should have become suspicious when the manager came over to shake my hand and thank me for ordering the lobster. I now know why the kitchen staff was lined up at the door dabbing their eyes. They were saying goodbye to an old friend. That damn lobster was probably soaking in a tub for years, growing fat, waiting for a sucker like me to come along. What would you do if you were in that situation? I wanted to wring the waiters neck, but I didn’t. I didn’t even complain. I simply paid the bill, tipped the waiter and left with my wife. I decided that the lack of communication was as much my fault as it was Raul’s. Will I go back to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse? Probably, although that particular restaurant has seen the last of me.

There are two parts to effective communication. Listening is as important as speaking. My fault was in my assumption and not asking questions. His fault was not presenting all of the facts. Did Raul benefit from the lack of communication?... yes and no. Sure he made about thirty dollars more on his tip, but he lost the opportunity to create a profitable relationship. Every time you interact with a customer, it is an opportunity to seed the relationship for future opportunities. Had Raul been more forth coming with the information, he would have created an emotional debt that I would have paid at a future date. Maybe with friends, clients, or even a party of ten.

Are you creating a culture of openness with your clients, customers or team? Do you communicate effectively? As the presidential campaign is in full swing, Mitt Romney is being blasted for not sharing his financial records, and this is ticking some folks off. I don’t care which side of the aisle you’re on, I believe that those who find this offensive do so, not because they care how much money he makes, but rather because of the lack of communication. When you don’t communicate effectively you diminish trust. No trust? No Sale!

SELLING THE EXPERIENCE

I was coming to the end of a long Honey-do list which had me standing in the liquor store staring at bottles of Skinny Girl Vodka. My wife is a teacher so during the school year we rarely drink alcohol but since it was summer, we’ve resurrected the age old tradition of five o’clock  happy hour. I was trying to remember which flavor I was supposed to pick up when a friendly gentleman named Van Poteet approached me. I don’t know how long Van has worked at the ABC store, but this was the first time I’d met him. I was taken a little off guard by his smile and casual manner especially since I’ve rarely seen an ABC employee anywhere other than behind the counter ringing up sales. Van asked me “whatcha drinking tonight?”. I told him that my wife wanted to make some kind of cocktail that involved Skinny Girl Vodka. “Have you ever tried a King?” Van asked. I had no idea what a King was, but Van got so excited telling me about this new drink that I got caught up in his enthusiasm. A King was basically an ounce of Bannana Liqueur and and ounce and a half of PB&J Vodka. You read correctly…Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka. Van began to share with me three different variations of the drink and convinced me that I would be missing the most amazing  cocktail in the modern world if I left the ABC store without the ingredients for “the King”.  I walked into the ABC store for a $15.00 bottle of Vodka and walked out with $65.00 worth of cheer. Unlike most the the ABC liquor store employees across the country, Van Poteet does not sell liquor. Van Poteet sells experiences. He sells cocktail hours, wedding toasts, libations, celebrations, and intimate evenings.  As I reflect on my experience with an objective frame of reference, I imagine that Van was told to “push the new PB&J Vodka”. Had he simply asked me to consider the new Vodka, I would have politely declined, but Van knows that people buy for two reasons; the desire for gain or the fear of loss. Van made me feel that if I left without buying what he suggested, I would be missing out on a terrific experience. Van reinforced, for me, a few simple truths about sales.

1.     SELL THE OUTCOME. The PB&J Vodka was simply the means to achieve that outcome.

2.    CONNECT WITH EMOTION. Van made me want to buy because of his enthusiasm. I wanted to be a part of what made him so excited. When you truly believe in your product, your enthusiasm will be your best wingman.

3.    KNOW YOUR PRODUCT. Van was so convinced that I would enjoy what he was selling that he gave step by step directions as to how to best use it. One of the 5 traction points for a killer customer experience is convenience. By making it easy for someone to use your product or do business with you, you create a buying atmosphere.

TOFU WRAPPED BACON...BE THE BRAND

“Clean Comedian for corporate, government, or personal events. Contact me for rates and availability.” That’s what the post said on the professional speakers and entertainers group that I am a part of on Linkedin. I was intrigued, not because I am looking for a corporate comic, but because I wanted to see the face of the person who would break etiquette and blatantly advertise 

bacon wrapped tofu

on Linkedin. I googled the name and found a youtube clip of a comedy show that he did a couple of years ago. “Clean Comedian” is how this person branded himself and 28 seconds into his act, he dropped the F Bomb. THE F BOMB! Now don’t get me wrong, I am not easily offended by profanity as long as it’s not around my kids, but I AM offended by a misleading branding statement. If you say your book is a best seller, you'd better not mean within your mother’s bible study. If you say you are the toughest man in the world, there had better be a line of broken and battered bodies littering your wake, and if you say you are a clean comedian then you’d better not drop the F bomb. If I were to have a conversation with this gentleman and express my opinion he would probably tell me that he modifies his language based on the event, or he may just tell me to ‘F’ OFF. I would then tell him “you can’t call yourself a vegeterian and have your tofu wrapped in bacon”. Unlike in years past, we no longer have control over our brand. Major companies such as Nike, Apple, and McDonalds spend millions of dollars on creating a branding statement which is nothing more than four or five words that come to mind when you hear a product name. Nike=swoosh, sports, running, football. Apple= Mac, sleek, fast, elite. McDonalds = easy, tasty, kids, cheap. For years, corporations were able to control their brand with advertisments and commercials. This is no longer the case. Thanks to social media and youtube, the control of our brand has transferred to the consumer. If I receive bad customer service, I tell my online community. If I do it in a funny or interesting way then it will ripple into their communities. Videos of me speaking and performing are all over Youtube and Vimeo. Some were put up by me and some by others. Because the internet provides immediate access into our brand, there is a transparency between us and the customer that has never before existed.  The best way for us to promote and protect our brand is to simply…BE THE BRAND. 

CREATING PROFITABLE RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH...INCLUSION

The sense of belonging is one of the most basic human needs. If you took freshman psychology in college, you learned about behavioral psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs Pyramid. In Maslows 1943 paper, A theory of human motivation, he identified the five areas of human needs. The first area is made up of physiological needs such as breathing, food, water, and sex. (It’s a need. It’s science. Guys win.) These needs must be satisfied before you can progress to the next level which involves safety needs such as shelter, job security, not being eaten by a bear. Then comes love and belonging followed by self esteem needs and self actualization.  The need for belonging is a powerful influence for healthy and profitable relationships whether they are with the customer, coworkers or team.  

Not long after I moved to Nashville in the mid-nineties, I met a group of guys that I started hitting the town with. Back in those days I had a flat stomach, a tolerance for Jack Daniels, and a tendency to see dawn as he end of an evening. Now my six pack has turned into a one pack, the smell of Jack Daniels makes me queasy, and dawn is often the backdrop for my second cup of coffee. We were all aspiring artists, musicians, songwriters or studio engineers which meant we were broke. One guy in our group worked for RCA records…in the mail room. I used to wonder what an intelligent, college educated, ambitious guy like him was doing working for nine bucks an hour in the mailroom of a record label. I finally understood one night when we all went to a downtown Nashville night club. At RCA records, all of the employees received an RCA jacket. They looked like high school letterman jackets with the RCA logo on the back. When we walked into the club that night and people saw his jacket, you would have thought royalty had entered the room. Keep in mind that 80% of the people in the bar were trying to make it in the music business and as far as they were concerned, he could make their dreams come true. Beautiful women were brushing past me to brush against my friend. Guys were buying him drinks and bartenders were passing him their demos. I then understood why a college educated, intelligent, ambitious young guy would work in the RCA mail room for 9 bucks an hour. He wasn’t working for nine bucks an hour. He was working for the jacket. RCA had created a sense of belonging among their employees that encompassed everyone from the C-suite to the mail room. They were a part of something bigger than themselves and it created an atmosphere of inclusion that translated into job satisfaction that was not predicated by salary. People want to do business with people who enjoy their job. They are happier, friendlier, more helpful, and nicer.

It reminds me of the old story of a man walking with his young son past a construction

site. An old brick mason was mixing mortar and laying bricks along a bare foundation.

The young boy asked his father “what is that man doing?” The father replied “He is a brick mason.

 He is mixing mortar and laying bricks”. Overhearing the conversation, the old man walked over and said 

“I am not just laying bricks.” “What are you doing then?” asked the little boy. The old man proudly replied “I am building a beautiful cathedral”.  

It is so easy to define our job by the tasks we do, but when people are made to feel a part of something greater than themselves it creates a sense of belonging. When you create a culture of belonging then employees not only have more fun at work, they take ownership in the performance of the team.  Have you ever heard an orchestra warm up? It sounds horrible. That is because the focus of the musician is on the task of playing their instrument. It is only when the group focuses on their instruments with the outcome in mind is music created. 

What song is your team playing? What is your cathedral? Creating a sense belonging is about communicating outcome and including the team in the process.

CREATING PROFITABLE RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH...CONTEXT

In 2004 my world changed.  It was altered, not because of events or circumstances, but because of context. I became a husband in 2004. I became a father in 2004, then again in 2005, and once more in 2008. Finally my wife told me that if I wanted another child I would have to do it with my next wife. Up until 2004 my identity existed on the basis of accomplishment, achievement, or circumstance.  I suddenly found myself with an identity predicated by something different…context.  My friend and fellow professional speaker John Crudele summed up the true meaning of context for me.  He told me that the moon is only the moon because of the Earth. Its relationship to the earth is what frames its identity. He said without context and mutual attraction, it is just a rock floating in space. 

I am a husband and father, not because of me or what I've done, but rather because of my relationship to my wife and kids. Just like our identity as a family member is determined by the relationship to the rest of the family, so is the identity of our customers. Our customers are not our customers because we exist. We are who we are because our customers exist. As a professional speaker and writer, I only maintain that identity if I have an audience. If not, I am just another opininated big mouth looking at an empty calendar on the wall of my office. I am a humorist. I believe that funny is funner so I try to incorporate humor into everything I do. I was once asked during an interview “what is the difference between a comedian and a humorist?” I thought for a minute about all of the humorists that I know and gave the most honest answer I could even though many comedians would disagree.  I said that most comedians believe the audience is there for them. As a humorist, I am there for my audience. When you treat your customers as if your existence depends on them, you will be nicer, more efficient, more transparent, and just plain better than if you operate as if your customers need you. When your customer relationship is based on mutual attraction and context, you decommoditize your position in your industry and become the brand.

Is your phone menu screwing you?

I finally have it. The idea that will make me my first million. A pad that affixes to the side of my computer screen that I can punch repeatedly when I encounter an idiot by phone, web, or mail. It would not only be a great stress reliever, but a wonderful way to protect my computer screen.
      I would have punched it into tatters today after my dealings with a cd manufacturer that I was hoping to use to make my next batch of cds. Poor price point? nope, bad attitude by the sales rep? nope, inferior product? nope. What, you ask, could have set you off and down the road to senseless violence?... a crappy phone menu. We have all trudged through the maze of press 1 for accounting, press 2 for sales, press 3 for I am pissing my customers off by wasting their time with this attempt to avoid serving them with a live person, but this one takes the "Press 4 for cake". It took me over two minutes to finally reach the menu option that allowed me to enter the name of the person with whom I needed to speak, and only after I was given the number for maintenance. So what's the point? I teach that one of the 5 traction points in an effective customer relationship is empathy. Customers want their supplier to identify with their pains, problems, concerns or fears. This traction point can be avoided altogether if companies would stop causing the pain before the transaction even takes place.
         Like most married men with children, I look for opportunities to take a vacation with my wife AWAY from the kids. Do I need to explain? Ironically, it was a couple of those "little vacations" that were responsible for the kids in the first place. Those opportunities don't happen as often as we would like, so we take them when we can. Like most married men who are slipping away for a weekend with his wife, I like to set myself up for success. I make a reservation at a nice restaurant and hotel. I may even have a bottle of champagne chilling in the room when we arrive. Flowers always set the tone for a lovely evening. My chances for success would be significantly diminished, however,  if I called ahead to the hotel and had housekeeping mess up the bed, throw a wet towel on the bathroom floor and scatter the room with my dirty underwear. "Oh, while you're at it housekeeping, use the toilet and don't flush".
     When you set the tone for a customer interaction with a drawn out phone menu, uncomfortable waiting rooms, unclean facility, or laborious administrative processes, you are defying one of the most basic traction points for an extraordinary customer relationship, CONVENIENCE. Stop making it hard for me to give you my money. If you want to understand how your customers feel when doing business with you, call your own voicemail, or phone system.  Mystery shop your business and you will discover what it is like to do business with you. Walk a mile in your customers shoes.

Painting HiSTORY

Staring at the painting of the two Japanese women hanging in my mother’s house, I realize that I have stared at that picture my whole life. I first remember it on a wall in my grandparents’ house beside the upright piano that my grandfather loved to play, especially after a scotch on the rocks had loosened his fingers. Surrounded by southwestern art, a shadow box of arrow heads, and a painting of a running mule deer, I didn’t understand how out of place the painting of the two Japanese women was. I just knew that it was always there and had come to represent the dependable, unchanging, stability that tends to only be found at your grandparents’ house.

As a child, I always knew that my grandfather had fought in World War II, but his service had been somewhat marginalized in my young mind by what I saw in old movies and what little he told me about his experience. To me, WWII was a bunch of white guys wearing green or khaki uniforms with shirts tucked in and hair perfectly combed with a part down the side.  I also presumed that most of it was fought in black and white. Like my hundreds of plastic army men, no-one actually got hurt and everyone got to go home for dinner. It wasn’t until I had left my teenage years behind that I actually learned the truth about World War II and the truth about the painting.

If you study the painting in my mothers house, you may think it is good. You may even think it is really good despite the simplicity of the subjects. How much would you pay for a good painting? two hundred dollars, five hundred dollars, a thousand dollars? If you were to compare it to a similar painting, you may decide that it  doesn’t measure up. You may even begin to notice the rudimentary flaws in the design, the unproportioned features of the subjects, and perhaps the fallability of the artist. You may decide that it isn’t worth a lot of money until you hear, as Paul Harvey used to say,”the rest of the story”.

My Grandfather was an engineer in the Army Air Corps during World War II. He built runways and buildings on Okinawa. One of his responsibilities was to oversee Japanese POWs. We have all heard the horror stories of how the American POWs in the South Pacific were treated. I’ve learned that, as a whole, Americans were much kinder and humane to POWs than their Japanese counterparts and my grandfather was no different. Although efficient and strict, he treated the POWs he supervised with kindness and respect. He allowed no ill treatment on his watch. As a matter of fact, because of the humane treatment that the Japanese POWs received under my grandfather, they viewed him with respect. I was told that the Japanese soldiers would put on theatrical productions and invite him and his officers to attend. They would clear the front row to provide them a place to sit. When my grandfather was due to return to the States, he bid farewell to many of the Japanese POWs that he had come to know, and in some cases like. It was then that he was unexpectedly presented with a gift.

You may look at the painting of the two Japanese women hanging on the wall in my mothers house and think it is good. You may even decide you would pay two hundred dollars, five hundred or even a thousand dollars for such a painting. The value of the painting, however, may change in your mind if you knew that in 1945, a Japanese prisoner of war painted two Japanese women on a United States Army issued bed sheet using paints that he made with materials that he found in and around an Okinawan POW camp. He would then present the painting to my grandfather as a token of appreciation for the kindness bestowed upon he and his comrades by their captor. How about now? A million dollars, two million? How much would someone pay for a painting with the history of the one on my mother’s wall ? That is a question that will never be answered because the painting will never be sold.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Value is in the eye of the buyer. Long term relationships are created when value is provided. We routinely pay $4.00 for a cup of Starbucks Coffee, not because it tastes better than the coffee sold in the gas station or at McDonalds, but rather because of the context in which it is delivered. Why do people pay hundreds of dollars more for front row seats at a Broadway show or rock concert? CONTEXT! Creating an extraordinary customer experience is not simply about providing quality goods and services. It is about providing those goods and services within the context of:

1.     FRIENDSHIP- People will buy from friends first.

2.     TRUST- When your goal is to provide value rather than simply closing a sale then you establish trust.

3.     CONVENIENCE- Is it easy to do business with you? your customers will tell you.

4.     EMPATHY-  People want to buy from those who genuinely care about their  challenges and problems. When you care, you become a guide to the solution.

Whether you are in sales, management, education or an entrepreneur, the product, service, or message that we provide, is only as powerful as the person behind the product and the context in which it is delivered.

HOW TO WRITE AND DELIVER A FREAKING AMAZING SPEECH IN 30 MINUTES SERIES

CHAPTER 7.

EYE CONTACT

A speech is a conversation between you and the audience. It may last 5 minutes or 50 minutes, so you don’t want to lose them. Many of the same elements of a one on one conversation also apply to giving a speech. Eye contact is crucial. You may have heard to focus on a dot on the back wall if you are nervous…HA! What a load of crap. You fool no one by doing that and inevitably, someone in the audience will turn around to see at what you are looking. “Picture your audience naked”. Ever heard that one? I think it is a great idea to picture your audience naked,  but it won’t help you give a better speech. I have found that the best way to engage an audience is by making one on one eye contact with individuals or small groups within the room.  When you speak to individuals, you are forcing them to focus and respond to what you are saying even if that response is a nod or smile.

I was watching the Country Music Awards show years ago and Garth Brooks was receiving the award for entertainer of the year. Garth steps up to the microphone hat in hand and begins to say a few words. From the balcony a fan yells “I love you Garth”. Garth Brooks looked up to the balcony and said “I love you too”. The whole balcony erupted in cheers. Why? Because when he focused on that section of the room in a meaningful way, he made the entire balcony feel included.  That was an aha moment for me that has been reinforced over the years as a speaker. There are two entities in the room, you and the audience. When you engage individuals or small sections of the room with a meaningful interaction, you are creating a intimate connection with the audience that will pull them on your side. It is much easier to speak in front of friends. 

My first real hatemail.....YES !!!!

I’ve heard it said that you’re not a real writer until you receive your first hate mail. I guess I am now officially a real writer.

I wrote an article a few weeks ago about a bad customer service experience that I had in a Hallmark store with my four-year-old son who was denied use of the restroom.  I relayed the incident as it happened, added the appropriate amount of drama and suspense, threw in a touch of pathos, and then ended with a moral. Are those not the mechanics of first rate article?... apparently not. I received an email from a guy whom I will call Richard. Richard was thoroughly offended that I had the audacity to name the store where the confrontation occurred. Furthermore, he wrote “people like you make me sick. What makes people with kids think the world is their restroom?” He went on to tell me that I only wrote that article because I was “scraping the bottom of the barrel for material for the ezine” . He continued to say that he had over “200 books on sales and he would never own one of mine.”  Wow…who knew an article on customer service could inspire so much ire. Now that his letter has marinated for a couple of weeks, I feel that I am doing Richard and my tens of loyal readers all over the country a huge disservice if I don’t respond.  Here goes….Richard, I take issue with you on three levels. First and foremost, I am insulted that you would criticize me with cliché. I have been criticized by the best. They used metaphor, originality, alliteration, and multi-syllable words that cut deep into my self-esteem and ego. I expect nothing less from you sir. Secondly, I am most insulted that you think I am short on material. As long as there are people like you in the world, my cup of material runneth over. Finally Richard, after reading that you have over 200 books on sales, I shared your letter with many of my friends and colleagues who are also in sales and we initially had the same reaction, WOW… 200 books….you must really suck !!! I then decided that I was being unfair. No one should be criticized for growing their resource library. My criticism lay with the fact that you just don’t get it. Effective selling is predicated on a simple premise. We read about it in Jeffrey Gitomer’s books and it is surely written in the pages of the 200 books adorning your shelves. “People want to do business with people they like and trust”. Does a business owner have the right to enforce policy? Of course. Are policies important? Yes. Good policy guides actions as well as reduces liability (as I was politely educated by another reader responding to the article). Sometimes a choice must be made. Do I enforce policy, or make a sale? There is not a right or wrong answer here, only cause and effect. Richard, sales are not made on our terms, they are made on the customers. Remember what Jeffrey Gitomer says “people don’t like to be sold, but they love to buy”. When you try to force someone to act according to your terms you are either in the Army, or at home alone reading sales books.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker who teaches clients how to create distinction in the marketplace and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. To book Patrick Henry for your next event, visit www.patrickhenryspeaker.com

No "P" in Customer Service

I used the “S” word in front of my children today.  Yes… the “S” word. The expletive of all expletives, and I said it in front of my babies.  I actually hadn’t even noticed that the word had passed my lips until my four year old admonished me in the car on the way home from the movie theatre. I admit it, I said it…. but that woman really was STUPID !!.

I had just taken my two boys to see The Tooth Fairy with Duane “The Rock” Johnson, and we stopped off at a Hallmark Store to buy a card for a friend who has just had a huge event happen in his life. I am typically not a card buyer, but this was a special occasion so I didn’t just want to pick one up from the grocery store, I wanted to go out of my way to buy from a specialist.

We walked into the Hallmark store and were directed to the Congratulations cards where I perused the various choices. My four year old began tugging on my coat and informed me that he had to use the bathroom…again. After being dragged out of the movie twice I was a little tired of his bathroom breaks so I told him to hold it. I chose a card and walked to the counter to pay. As I waited in line, I noticed that tears had formed in his eyes and realized that he really had to go so I asked the lady behind the counter where the restroom was.  She informed me that they didn’t have one.  You and I both know they have a restroom, so what she meant to say was they didn’t have one for customers. As my son began to cry, I looked at her with a “can you help me” look and she shrugged her shoulders with half hearted empathy and said, “It’s our policy”. I am not one to give customer service lessons at point of purchase, So I held my tongue (no small task) and left with my children.  It was on the way home that I was admonished for the “S” word.

We all have poor customer service stories that we enjoy telling when the conversation calls for it. The fact that I will never shop at the Hallmark Store in Alamance Crossings is no real “AHA” moment. As I contemplate my experience, I would have to say the lesson is this… Mess with me you lose my business. Mess with my kid you gain an enemy.  The sales woman at the Hallmark store in Alamance Crossing, Burlington, North Carolina :-) let policy override common sense and compassion. Had she chosen to ignore “policy” and helped my child and me she would have created a fan. Fans are loyal. Fans will go out of their way to spend money. Fans don’t shop alone.  She chose not to and as a result, not only destroyed a consumer relationship, she created an adversary who will take any and every opportunity to steer people away from her card store. He may even write an article about his experience that is distributed to hundreds of thousands of people.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and
 blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.patrickhenryspeaker.com

IT’S CALLED A SPEECH

I don’t much care for awards shows. Every now and then, however, I will see someone who impresses or even inspires me, like when Cuba Gooding Jr. won an Oscar for his role in Jerry Mcguire or when Roberto Benigni won an Oscar in 1998 for Life is Beautiful.  For the most part I see a room full of people who haven’t had a job in months who are just happy to be dressed up and out of the house.

My wife enjoys awards shows, so when the Screen Actors Guild Awards aired on January 23^rd…we watched it. I was actually quite impressed with Sandra Bullock and especially Betty White who hails back to an era where class and decorum were the order of the day. I was completely underwhelmed by Drew Barrymore. When the award for best actress in a television movie or miniseries was announced, Drew Barrymore’s name was called. She gave the customary “oh my God I can’t believe it’s me” look to her fellow aisle mates then made the triumphant march to the stage to accept her prize. This is where the wheels came off !!!!

I am a professional speaker. I believe that a person’s ability to effectively communicate thoughts, ideas, and gratitude is paramount in fomenting success regardless of profession. Apparently Drew Barrymore doesn’t think so. As she accepted her award, she began to stutter and stumble over her words in a cutesy and contrived display of ums & ands.  When the awkward moment began to turn uncomfortable, she said “usually improv is a good thing….it’s backfiring on me very badly right now”. I have news for you Drew, IT’S NOT IMPROV….IT’S A SPEECH !!!!.  Considering that you have been in the movie business since before ET phoned home, it is a speech that you should have been prepared for!!!!!!

In a matter of seconds she went, in my eyes, from brilliant to buffoon, from star to stammer, from “bless my stars” to “bless her heart”, all because she was painfully unprepared.

There are certain moments where the right words delivered with eloquence, passion and skill can create, what my friend Scott Mckain calls, a mountain top experience. In sales, these moments happen EVERYDAY. Are you prepared? Have you developed the skill and “material” to inspire people to action?

Three ways to prepare for your awards speech:

COLLECT MATERIAL.

Continually be on the lookout for real life experiences, stories, and anecdotes that can be recalled and delivered with dexterity at a moments notice.  Become an expert in your field and your client’s by reading books, articles and web copy about topics that relate to the field.  Keep a file.


LISTEN TO GREAT SPEAKERS

      Never miss an opportunity to listen to great speakers speak. Don’t steal their material, take note of their style and technique then create your own.
    
PRACTICE

      As good as you think you are, YOU’RE NOT!!!.  I don’t care how many successful wedding toasts you’ve given. Until you’ve delivered a thousand speeches or presentations, you still have room for improvement. Even then, you still can find ways to become better. JOIN TOASTMASTERS…NOW!

The Ballad of Rusty The Roofer

Sitting in the living room of “Yellow House”, watching water drip from four different leaks in the ceiling, I decided that it was time to fix the roof. Yellow House was a rental property in Nashville that I shared with my two beautiful female roommates years ago who, despite my best efforts, still thought of me as a buddy.

After receiving a number of estimates, a guy pulled up unannounced one afternoon in a white van and said “wud up?” Enter Rusty the Roofer. Rusty was a red faced, red headed, redneck who offered to repair my roof for half of what the other roofers would. In my naiveté’ I hired him on the spot. The events that transpired over the next week taught me two things, 1. In the words of Ronald Reagan “trust but verify”, and 2. Never do business with a guy in a white van.

On the first day, Rusty and his crew came out and took all of the shingles off of the house. I had to later apologize to my female neighbors for the cat-calls that were being lobbed from my roof like grapefruit. Taking shingles off of a roof does not require exorbitant amounts of brain matter.  Putting new shingles on, however, requires a bit more skill, but in order to apply that skill one must be present. When Rusty was ready to leave for the day at the crack of two, he told me that he would return the following morning at 9:00 am. I assured him I would be waiting. The next morning, nine o’clock came, nine o’clock went and I was left standing on my porch underneath my naked roof growing agitated. Rusty finally showed up at 10:30 and apologized for his tardiness. I told him that I was planning my workday around his start time so I insisted that he be on time. The following day at 9:00 am, I am standing on my porch waiting for Rusty to show up only to be stood up yet again. When he rolled into my driveway at eleven o’clock, I was hot. I said “Rusty, when you tell me that you are going to arrive at nine….I EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE !!!!! When you don’t arrive until eleven you screw up my whole day.” Rusty looked at me and said “Patrick you’re right. But I have a good excuse. Last night I was out at a bar and met a woman who is doctor from Vanderbilt Medical Center and we [Partied] all night long.” I looked at him with an incredulous look on my face and said “Rusty, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look like the type of guy who [parties] with doctors from Vanderbilt.” He chuckled and said “you’re right, but last night I had it going on, I was looking sharp…. I HAD ALL MY GOLD ON”

I guess I underestimated the seductive charms of a herring bone chain and a nugget pinky ring. I told him that doing business with him was becoming more trouble than it was worth and he looked me in the eye and said “Patrick, you have to admit that 90% of the time, I do exactly what I say I am going to do”.  There ends the ballad of Rusty the roofer.

Like with Rusty, customers judge a vendor or service provider by the 10% of the time their expectations are not met. Here are three ways to turn prospects into clients, clients into fans, and avoid becoming a “Rusty the Roofer”.

1.    1.     DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO.

Become known as a person of your word. This establishes trust.
Trust enables friendship.“People want to do business with their friends”  (Jeffrey Gitomer)

2.         2.  UNDERpromise and OVERdeliver.

           Too many times we are tempted to say anything to close the sale.
           When you close the 10% margin of error you become a resource
            who provides value. Value creates loyalty.

3.        3.   BE PROFESSIONAL.

           Professional standards of communication and dress have relaxed
           over the last decade. Become known for superseding the standard.

FANtastic Coffee

As a frequent traveler, I often find myself in airports searching for nuggets of inspiration hiding in between the runways. I was on a four-hour layover in the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International airport and had grown a little tired of the book I had been reading since I had left home three days prior, so I put it away and decided to cure my boredom with a cup of Starbuck's coffee. You may be thinking to yourself "why not grab a real drink"? Even in today's stressful travel environment, I have yet to lose my temper and I credit my perfect record to the fact that I don't have [real drinks] in airport lounges. I strolled over to the Starbucks next to gate A-16 where I stood in line. I was a little surprised at how many people they had working behind the counter. After a few "how many Starbucks employees does it take to screw in a light bulb" jokes had flashed through my head, I perused the menu. The employees behind the counter were having a great time. They were laughing, joking around, and seemed to be having a lot of fun as they took orders and made coffee. I heard a voice say "hi, how ya doin"? I turned to see a pleasant young lady behind the register talking to me. I was a little taken aback as many of us are when weare actually confronted with good customer service, so in my best Joey Tribiani voice (if you don't know who Joey Tribiani is then ask someone under 40) I said "how you doin?" I told her what I wanted and she asked my name. "my name is Patrick" "Hi Patrick.... hey everybody this is Patrick" more hellos and smiles from behind the counter. I answered a few questions about my trip and by the time I received my order, I felt as if I was saying goodbye to old friends. I got two more cups of coffee on my layover. Not because I particularly like the coffee, but because a few outstanding Starbucks employees chose to include me in their good time. The employees of the gate A-16 Starbucks understand that having fun at work is important but including the customer in the fun is profitable.

How are your customers being included? When you make a customer feel important you are creating an intimate connection
that will turn them into fans. One common trait of fans is loyalty. Loyal fans are not buying a product, they are buying YOU !!

HERE ARE THREE WAYS TO TURN CUSTOMERS INTO FANS:

1. BE PREPARED !! know as much about their business as you possibly can. In addition to reading strategic pages from their website, spend time on the websites of national trade associations that relate to their company. Read the white papers, best practices, and understand the issues and new legislation that could affect their business. If you have a firm understanding of the issues that impact their bottom line, you can more easily fill their needs.

2. FIND A COMMON INTEREST!! Do you both play the guitar? Do you both enjoy imported beer? Do you share a love of Saltwater fishing? Find a common link that intimately connects you to the prospect.

3. BECOME A RESOURCE!!  Continually send emails, articles, and "swag" with the sole purpose of building their business or positively supporting the common interest you both share. If the consistency of your correspondence is supported by a genuine desire to be helpful then you have turned a prospect into a client and a client into a fan.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and
 blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.PatrickHenrySpeaker.com

the house SPECIAL

When I entered the Nashville music scene in 1994, it wasn’t long before I was rubbing elbows with some of the biggest names in country music. Garth Brooks, Reba McEntire, Alan Jackson…I was rubbing elbows with all of them. Truth be told, it was usually when I was reaching to refill their water glass, but every now and then our elbows would touch.

I worked at a restaurant called the Green Hills Grille. It was a delightful little bistro nestled in the heart of the Green Hills area of Nashville and staffed mostly by aspiring songwriters, singers, and musicians. The joke was “if you wanted a job at a restaurant in Nashville, you had to submit a three song demo”.  The Green Hills Grille almost always had a line out the door with people eagerly awaiting the spinach and artichoke dip, chicken salad melt, or the famous white bean soup with corn cakes. I was always surprised that the restaurant did absolutely no advertising. The food at the restaurant was excellent but the secret to their success did not lie in the taste of the food, but rather with a little old woman named Mrs. Stevens.

Mrs. Stevens would come in everyday at four O’clock and would always sit at the same table, in the same chair and order the exact same thing; a hot fudge brownie, vanilla ice cream, and black coffee. We all got to know Mrs. Stevens and when we had a chance, we would stop by her table to say hello. One afternoon I had her table in my section, and when I saw her walk into the restaurant I put in her order and had a cup of coffee waiting when she sat down. As she was eating her brownie, I said, “Mrs. Stevens, that must be a pretty good brownie to keep you coming back day after day”.  She put down her fork and looked up at me and said, “Patrick, this is a great brownie, but I don’t come here for the food. I’m here because of you…and Gail, and Brigid and Jed and Doug and Steve”…. To my surprise, Mrs. Stevens began to name every single server in the restaurant and as she looked up at me, her eyes began to mist over and she said, “y’all make me feel so special”

I can remember my first day of work at the Green Hills Grille.  We were in a back room taking a menu test, and Brian, the general manager, walked in and spoke three words then left. He didn’t say don’t be late, or don’t drop dishes…. He said REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!  The secret to the Green Hills Grille’s success was not in the food. (Isn’t good food an expectation?), it was that we made the customers feel good being there.

Do your customers feel good about you? How are you exceeding your customer’s expectations? Great customer service is not a selling point, it is expected. Product reliability….expected!!!, competitive price point…expected !!!!!!

Here are three ways to exceed expectations and turn customers into fans:

1. REMEMBER THEIR NAME. It makes them feel special and makes you look competent. Remember details of conversations you have and recall them in follow up correspondence.

2  2. REMEMBER THEIR BIRTHDAY .  A famous Hollywood producer spent $60,000 a year on flowers. He said, “they don’t always remember who sent flowers, but they always remember who didn’t.”

3.    REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS.  I was conducting interviews of my best clients asking them why they continued to do business with me. One said, “My secretary loves you. You always call her maam”. She was an older southern lady who appreciated the “old school”.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.PatrickHenrySpeaker.com

Lessons from the back of the pack

Had you been standing next to me the morning of July 26^th, 2008, you would have been standing on the shore of North Carolina’s Lake Cammack watching the sunrise. Had you been standing next to me on July 26^th, 2008, you would have found yourself surrounded by 500 people preparing to compete in the Mission Man Triathlon, and had you listened closely on that thick morning in July you may have heard me whisper and possibly whimper quietly to myself… “What in the heck have I gotten myself into?”

For almost ten years, I have been an avid practitioner of Mixed Martial Arts. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Muy Thai Kickboxing… I love it all, but now that I see 40 on the not too distant horizon, I have realized two things about the sport I love. 1. The guys are getting younger, stronger, and faster, and 2. I am too old to be getting hit and/or kicked in the face… I needed a new sport. One afternoon my brother and I were having a conversation when I told him that I was looking for a new challenge. I wanted a sport a little on the extreme side but with minimal chance of bodily harm. I wanted to reduce the risk of getting hit and/or kicked in the face. He said why not compete in a triathlon? At 6’4, 225 pounds, I have never considered myself the “triathlon type”, but he then uttered the words that sent me on my way to becoming a tried and true, full fledged triathlete….He said ”I dare you”. “you dare me?” “you daRE ME??!!?? ..don’t dare me Bubba, I’ll do it. When is it?” He said “there’s one in three weeks”……… “DONE” !!!!

For the next three weeks I trained like a mad man. I ran every day. I swam every day and I borrowed a bike that I rode everyday. When the morning of the triathlon arrived, I was up before the sun. I packed my gear and headed out to the race site. At the starting point, I stood in thigh deep water with my bright blue swim cap holding in my slightly graying hair. My spandex biker shorts and under-armour top were struggling against my slightly expanding mid-section. I looked like a super hero five years past his prime. When the horn sounded we took off like a school of grunion. I was paddling as fast and furious as my arms would allow. Fifty yards into the swim I began to tire. 60 yards into the swim, my freestyle turned into a breast-stroke, and by the time I reached the first buoy, was doggy paddling. When you doggy paddle your way through a triathlon you become the unwilling provider of piggyback rides for anyone who happens to have started behind you. Half way through the swim as I was being passed by the competitors wearing pink swim caps, (women over 40), I made eye contact with a grandmotherly woman who could not have been day under 65. In a cosmic moment of irony and humiliation, she overtook me, passed me by, and then KICKED me right in the face.

LESSON….. IT TAKES LONGER THAN THREE WEEKS TO TRAIN FOR A TRIATHLON !!

My friend and fellow speaker Bill Bachrach is a real triathlete. Bill is a Hawaiian Iron Man, which means he completed a 2.5 mile swim, 116 mile bike ride and a marathon. I asked Bill “what does it take to become an Iron Man?” I expected him to tell me of above average athleticism, superhuman strength and endurance, but instead, he told me that it all came down to commitment. Do you have the time, patience and discipline to focus your efforts on the process of training to become great? He said the roadmap to becoming an Iron man is finite, measurable and tested. All it takes from you is a commitment to work the process.

What is your commitment to the process of becoming an Iron Sales Man? Are you working a process or slinging it up against the wall hoping something sticks. Martial Arts legend Gene Lebel said “the harder you train the luckier you get”. The same is true for sales.

Here are three simple tips to incorporate into your sales workout:


  1.   WAKE UP EARLY.  By the time your competition’s feet hit the floor in the morning, you should be on step three of your daily to do list. “The early bird gets the worm”…I love worm..tastes like chicken. 

2. READ TWENTY MINUTES OF POSITIVE MATERIAL DAILY. Before you logon to Fox News, CNN, or enter the blogosphere and get the latest dose of negative headlines, start with twenty minutes of uplifting material. It is like waking up and chugging a glass of water. (ever done it ?…you’ll feel amazing

         3. PRACTICE . Having trouble on the phone? Practice with a mirror on your desk or the camera on your computer…smile and create friendly facial expressions and it will come through in your voice. Create scripts and practice them until you don’t sound rehearsed. Roll play with friends or co-workers until walking into a brand new office feels exciting.

Patrick Henry is a songwriter, author, and speaker, who shows clients how to create distinction in the market place and blow away the competition with the four keys to becoming a “ROCKSTAR IN A ROOM FULL OF KARAOKE SINGERS”. Patrick’s entertaining programs show audiences what happens when Keynotes, Comedy, and Concerts Collide. For more information go to www.patrickhenryspeaker.com